Stop the world, the inevitable has happened. Can I get a witness? I have achieved the unthinkable: I rented a movie the Carpenter actually liked.
Wait, it gets better. The Carpenter admitted he liked a movie chosen by yours truly. Honestly, the shock was so staggering that I had to sit down to absorb it. Could this be true?
I confess I had purely selfish notions in selecting the movie Drive. Ryan Gosling was in the film (growl).
Yep, I tricked my man into thinking the film was for him when secretly, I wanted to see Mr. Gosling portray a risqué stunt car driver. It feels good to be bad.
Ironically, it totally backfired and I still came out looking like the best wife ever. I have now scored a double-whammy on the Richter scale of matrimony.
You see, as fate would have it, I never got to watch the movie, so the whole eye-candy viewing of Mr. Gosling didn’t happen for me. I fell blissfully asleep before the film even started, (did I mention the Carpenter and I lead very exciting lives? Sigh.)
To be fair, I did the rent the movie for the Carpenter too, because I knew that it had something to do with cars and gangsters. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t find those two topics automatically of interest in plot, so it was an obvious choice. Cars lead to car chases and the inevitable smash-up, which leads to at least one explosion and more four-lettered words than a construction crew uses on break, so I figured he’d like that.
Gangsters, well, it’s a given that there will be several completely unrealistic fight scenes, more expletives between nouns and undoubtedly some gratuitous violence. Naturally, to tie it all together there has to be one seriously sexy woman who is single (because all the really smart, attractive women are still single in their 30s, you know) who will play a physically aggressive and sexual demure role (because, again, that’s what we gals do), while the main characters proceed to either woo her or kill her. Either way, her hair and make-up will remain intact. In other words, I have chosen a great man film.
But just to add to my already awesome standing as the perfect wife, I did one other thing that made the Carpenter the happiest man in Wellington County. Stop blushing; it wasn’t that exciting. It was better. Yes, better. I left the Carpenter alone with his remote control and the flat screen television. Okay, sure, I was asleep upstairs, but the point is, I didn’t interrupt. I left my Carpenter alone with his guy film to watch it in silence. I did not insist we make time to be together or snuggle up on the couch. I did not sit and ask questions throughout the film or add my two cents about how inappropriate the violence got. I did not chew my buttered popcorn with my mouth open. Nope. I left him alone, uninterrupted. I am that good.
The next day I was surprised to hear the Carpenter relay the gory details of that awesome movie to me. I heard about every explosion, crash, stabbing, blood-splattering fist fight, with a mafia twist and yes, even the gorgeous girl character that tied the whole film together. Imagine that.
And then it happened, the moment I have long waited for: “Yes, I admit it, you picked a good film.”
Cut. That’s a wrap, people.