I’ve been thinking a lot recently about feedback. It can be a great gift to someone to offer feedback, especially if it is requested. But it can also be a great burden for both parties (as the giver sometimes doesn’t know what to say, and the receiver might not want to hear it especially if it is unsolicited feedback).
One of the things we did at my theological college is something called a review of learnings. Basically we were in groups of four or five and after our 17-day learning circle we were to gather in our groups and offer feedback to each other. They were called affirmations and encouragements. And we had to make sure we gave at a minimum the same number of affirmations as we did encouragements. We were affirming what they had done well, what we saw were their gifts and skills, and we were encouraging them in ways that they could continue to grow and learn.
I feel that part of this exercise was for the recipient to hear their affirmations and encouragements, but I have also come to realize that part of this exercise was to teach all of us how to give feedback.
Even little things like is the person who is receiving the feedback in a headspace to receive it? If you give feedback to a co-worker or even a family member either as an affirmation or an encouragement are they in a place in their day when they can receive it? Or are they running around or just heading out the door?
More importantly, I have learned, is the way it is delivered and the content. As ministers we get feedback all the time. Some examples of things we could hear are:
“I really liked your sermon”, “the service was too long,” “the service was too short”, “I really didn’t like your sermon”…. I think you get the idea.
Here is the challenge with these statements. While both “I really liked your sermon” and “I really didn’t like your sermon” are fine emotions to express, neither one of them really gives the recipient enough information to move forward with. Don’t get me wrong, having people say they liked something that someone did is a wonderful thing and I’m not trying to discourage that. What I am saying is that it would also be helpful to hear what it was that someone liked about it.
I can guarantee you that at least 50 per cent of the time, what a minister thinks is the best part of the sermon or service, isn’t the part that that person liked. So it makes it challenging to replicate a favourable result if one doesn’t know why someone liked what they did … in any profession.
The same can be said about negative feedback.
“I didn’t really like your sermon,” while it gives the recipient a base that someone was unhappy; it doesn’t give them enough information to change something. Was it too long? Too short? Was it the theology? The joke? The story in the middle? Was it the video clip? Was it the take on the scripture reading? It can be any number of things. I once had someone tell me they didn’t like the sermon because I used a baseball analogy in it and they didn’t like baseball. That was more helpful to hear than just “I didn’t like the sermon today” as I understood what their dislike was and was able to process it accordingly.
Feedback can be a great gift for the receiver, as acknowledgement of a job well done or as a suggestion on how to perhaps improve in the future. We won’t talk about feedback that is received through social media or written down, that is a whole other topic. Why are we so much meaner when we can’t see the person? Surly we know that they still have feelings?
There is a level of grace and compassion that has to be observed when giving feedback or even receiving feedback.
If it can be given and received in the spirit of trying to allow everyone to grow and learn then it can be something that is a gift to both give and receive.
By Mark Laird,
DM Drayton United Church