Every day is Mother’s Day.
Do you know how I know that? Because every day, somebody yells the word “Mom” at me in either a plea for help, a demand for attention, a request for something, or a whine, purely for the annoyance factor of all of the above. Mother has power and grace. Unfortunately, the M word is often misused. Let me explain what I mean by using the M word in several commonly misconstrued scenarios, to show my point.
“Who’s your momma?” Often said with a street slang accent, that phrase is actually a remark used when parents try to deny their offspring. Example: your child has temper tantrum in the grocery store. People look at you as if you planned that public assault and can somehow subdue the little monster. Deny ownership.
“Yo’ Momma.” Traditionally meant to be the punch line of a tasteless joke, I use that phrase in situations such as mentioned above. Point to a stranger and suggest that the wild child causing the fuss is probably hers. It’s certainly not mine.
“Mother of Pearl.” Underneath our flannel pajamas and sleep-deprived appearance is a pearl. A good polish at the spa will return the world order to its rightful place. Hello?
“Mother Nature.” When I haven’t washed my hair in two days, shaved my legs in two months and am wearing parts of the aforementioned pyjamas to the grocery store without a smidgeon of lipstick for the world to see, I am 100% natural. Take that.
“Necessity is the mother of invention.” I have learned that I coordinate a science fair project while packing lunches. Please note: it was not my intention to find the project in the fridge, but we (I mean my child) got a good mark.
“Mother.” As a stand-alone word used before an expletive has power. It is a verb, noun and a stand alone adjective. Don’t you forget it.
“Mother load.” That’s the amount of mother’s guilt I have trying to pursue a career and motherhood.
“Mother Goose.” Ten years of reading only books that rhyme.
“Mother ship.” Aliens or cruise line. At around 3pm, a mother will take either as an escape.
“The mother of all evil.” Look, I need coffee before I can speak nicely, okay?
“Mother tongue.” Do not repeat anything Mommy said when she dropped the pot roast on the floor.
“Mother Superior.” Because, I said so. Do not make me come up there. God is on my side, missy. This is not to be confused with “Mommy Dearest,” which is a nice phrase to mean I need a second cup of coffee and silence.
“Mom Jeans.” When skinny jeans and muffin-tops collide. I wear them anyway.
“Old Mother Hubbard.” Sometimes I forget the groceries. See “mother load” above.
“Mother Lion.” I am Mommy; hear me roar. I’ve got your back.
“Momma Mia.” Not only did they flush the toilet, they put on a fresh roll of paper.
“Mother Hen.” Tie your shoes. Look both ways. Use manners and hand sanitizer. Do your best. Be grateful. Love yourself. Have faith.
To my children, thanks for making Mom the best job title ever.