“Three naked men jumped from the airplane,” my son said just as if it happened every day.
It should not have surprised me. All sorts of interesting things happen when flying the “jump” plane near Victoria. I earlier told you how his wife parachuted from 10,000 feet to raise money for charity. I asked, “Are you telling me three guys jumped without clothes? Were they crazy?"
“Yes, and maybe. They went to the aircraft door, dropped their shorts, and jumped.”
I asked two more questions. “Why did they do it? If they had landed in a crowd of people, what would they have done?”
“I guess they just wanted to do something different. Had they landed in the wrong place, they would have wrapped themselves in their parachutes.”
Well, all of us like to embark on exciting little adventures occasionally. However few of us would dare to appear naked in a place where we might encounter members of the public. Although, when I think back, I recall skinny dipping in the Thames river with another lad. Fortunately, no one caught us, however, the other fellow picked up a skin infection from the polluted water. Mind you, once as an adult, things almost went terribly wrong. I’ll tell you the story.
Looking like a dried prune, but dripping wet, I climbed shivering from the tub and onto the bath mat. Puzzled by a bell ringing steadily like a fire alarm, I peeked out into the living room. From the door, opened just a crack, I could see the TV screen filled with fire trucks, running fire fighters, and leaping flames – the audio matched the video with sirens wailing, men shouting, and an overriding, clanging alarm. “Oh,” I said, stepping back inside to begin the towelling process.
Only half dry, the continuing alarm prompted me to look out again. The TV video and sound remained much the same, but before I could retreat, Anna ran into the apartment from the hallway. As the door opened the din of our building fire alarm followed her in. She cried out, “Fire in the basement” and disappeared again, closing the door behind her.
I raced from the bathroom and stopped dead in the middle of the living room – the TV scene had changed, but the alarm continued to clang – our building alarm. In the five seconds I stood there, bare and shivering, my brain ran faster than a speeding fire truck – I had seen a series on television that demonstrated the rapidity of a spreading fire. I realized I might have only 90 seconds to live. I rushed toward the door, but before reaching it, a vision rushed through my mind – I could see newspaper headlines, Columnist flees naked from burning building.
I began pulling on clothes, but before anything tragic happened, Anna returned to report a false alarm.
I doubt that many of my readers would want to imitate the parachutists and leap naked from an airplane. However, when you hear a fire alarm while in the shower or tub, be smart enough to grab a towel on the way out of the bathroom.
That way you won’t have to make a major life-changing decision: “Shall I embarrass myself publicly, or shall I allow the fire to burn me into a charred ember?”