It’s not been a full week since school let out and already I have heard my children mumble the alien phrases “I’m bored” or “there’s nothing to do.”
Then there is my personal favourite: “There is nowhere to go.” These are problems I want to have.
Now I know you all envision me as the perfect mother, balanced and calm (totally), poised and organized (naturally), and always quick to soothe and comfort my teenage offspring (nurturing, that’s me alright).
But this time, ladies and gentlemen, my kids have taken it too far.
They have pushed me past the point of rational. This is where I fly off the crazy train and head straight for the happy hills of insanity.
Please, pour yourself a nice summer beverage, spike it if you must, and put your feet up on the lawn chair whilst I spin myself into a foaming frenzy on the matter of teenage summertime boredom.
Let me tell you about boredom. Oh wait, I can’t, because boredom is a luxury I cannot afford, even though it is probably the one thing my kids will do this summer that I actually can afford. But where would I fit it in?
This thing called a job keeps getting in the way of my vacation plans. While I too would like to sleep until noon, the boss frowns on that (also on napping, and goodness knows I’ve tried).
I want to be in the sweet spot in life where you are too young to get a real job, but too old to be in camps; too old to have a sitter, but not old enough to be trusted not to make a YouTube video about the practical jokes to be had with crazy glue.
Since there is nothing to do at home while the Carpenter and I are at work, perhaps it’s time I find a willing host for the video games, electronic devices, bicycles and every-sport-known-to-man equipment. You know, because you won’t need them, with nothing to do and all.
Besides, the household chores plastered on the fridge would be a lot lighter if we didn’t have to pick stuff up or dust around it, right? Right. Less is more, kids. Let’s start with the Xbox.
I get that living here, in Wellington County, means there is nothing to do. No question about it, this is a boring place to live. All those silly tourists that roar into town throughout the summer must be lost. Yep, somewhere there is a tourism company marketing how boring we are and these fools fell for it.
All the cycling trails, a lake you can ride your bike to, the Gorge at your feet, hiking and fishing, the beach at the quarry, parks galore – it’s a wonder you even want to go outside really.
No, you guys just go ahead and relax.
Have that third bowl of cereal. Make sure you drink all three bags of milk too, but leave just enough to whiten your father’s coffee. It will soften the blow when he realizes that it was the last bag.
And hey, while you’re at it, leave the specialty cracker box wide open after you grab a handful so they get good and stale. Better yet, leave the empty box in the cupboard. You know how I like surprises.
Summer. So boring.