I’m often asked the question: “Should I bring my kids to the funeral?” While this is not a one-size-fits-all answer, I would say yes.
Dr. Jillian Roberts, a Child Psychologist and Professor at the University of Victoria writes “Death is an important part of life and a concept everyone will have to face someday. Sheltering children from this concept does not help them in the long run.
“As a general rule, it is psychologically healthy to experience the typical emotion associated with an event. Repressing grief or other strong emotions can cause greater psychological difficulty down the road.”
When bringing children to any type of funeral event, preparation is key.
Ask your child if they wish to attend. Let them know what they’re going to see, who is going to be there. Tell them people will be sad, and it’s normal to be sad when someone dies. Be honest with them and do your best to explain in terms they will understand.
Avoid phrases like, “the person has gone to sleep” as this is likely to confuse them. Allow your children to participate if they want to, but don’t force them.
Perhaps they can draw a picture or write a letter about a memory they have with their loved one. Older children may wish to read a poem or share a memory at the service.
Have realistic expectations for your children.
If the event is going to span over a couple of hours, it might be a good idea to have a friend there who can take the child outside for some fresh air to give them a break.
For younger children, consider having them attend for only part of the event, or have a plan in place if they need to be removed from the service.
It may be a good idea to bring a small stuffed animal for them to hold, or a book to read. Don’t worry if they don’t sit perfectly still, or if they’re a little silly.
In my experience, this comic relief is welcome and reminds us of the circle of life.
Ultimately, the decision to bring a child is up to the parents, and parents know best.
Whenever possible, I encourage families to attend together.
Children grieve differently than adults, but they still need opportunities to express their feelings, talk about their loved one and say goodbye.
Holly Jordan is a funeral director with England Funeral Home in Mount Forest.