Thank you, Spring, for taking this meeting with me. Please be seated. I feel like it’s best to start the season off on equal footing. I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss our expectations and target outcomes for the next quarter.
Your predecessor, Winter, was a rather lacklustre season. Not nearly the avalanche of snow we anticipated. The skiers were moderately satisfied, but the local snowmobilers were sorely disappointed in the season that cut their engines.
We didn’t even experience the severity of cold mornings that typically braids one’s nose hair, with tears streaming down one’s face as they mercilessly scrape their frozen windshield. I only wore my serious snow boots a total of three times this season and I barely wore the serious winter coat a handful of times. That means the less serious winter attire bore the brunt of the season. I wore a short jacket. Not even a bum-cover coat. Fashion over function? That’s not a Canadian winter.
It’s a good thing climate change is just a rumour, or this could be a pattern.
That one time I tried to build a snowman this winter, it melted before I could finish making it a mate. The Carpenter insists that is because the snowman didn’t want to listen to the snowwoman tell him how much she wanted a snow fort with an expanded deck and gazebo. Also, the Carpenter didn’t want to help me build the snowman because he worked outside on construction sites for 35 years and feels he is now entitled to enjoy the woodstove and a reclining chair inside. He used to be fun. Sigh.
So Spring, our expectations of you moving forward are for mild, sunny days and cool nights, and more time on the patio than on the couch. Not hot days, per se. Save that for Summer. But warm enough temperatures to drive with the windows down, to get the laundry on the line and for me to stop disappointing my husband because I keep letting the woodstove die out. Enough with the woodstove already. If karma is a tree, it’s coming for him.
I expect flowers to pop up in all the gardens. I want to see colours and greenery everywhere. Bring on the tulips and crocuses and daffodils and the buds on the trees. I miss leaves. I really do. Is that weird? Nevermind.
I want to stop needing socks (sidebar: I will need a preemptive pedicure). I want to run around in my old sneakers, but like, not actually run, just walk about. What? It’s still exercise.
Spring, I know there needs to be balance for the gardens and the farm fields, so I’m okay with the rain in moderation. I have grand plans for puddle splashes and rain dances. Maybe a few good rolling-through thunderstorms would be nice. Unless you are my dog. She’s not a fan. I had to buy her a thundershirt for such emergencies. I wish someone would invent an anxiety coat for me to wear to the grocery store. That would be a game-changer.
In terms of outcomes, Spring, we have high hopes for you and the life you bring back to us. I mean, who doesn’t love a season where all species are frisky? Yep. So, you help nature stay on course and we’ll do our part to respect it all. Except the cluster flies. You can get rid of them. Deal? Great, thanks.
You can start immediately.
