Failure is a charged word that every person has experience with.
We can all name examples in our own lives. Getting a bad mark on a test. Being overlooked for a promotion. Losing a valuable relationship.
Failure may become attached to blame, sadness and anger, which may be perceived to be a deserved return for laziness or incompetence.
Yet for such a charged experience, there is an interesting vagueness attached. One person’s standard of failure could be someone else’s standard for success. It depends on your point of view.
Failure and success are considered equally balanced opposites, but they do not impact someone’s self-view in the same way.
Someone may have goals, and when they reach them they will be proud of themselves. In time, they will accept this success. They set new goals and move on. We often eagerly accept success, while failure is something we try to push away and ignore, which makes the feeling resonate for a long time.
For some people, this feeling informs a great part of their identity.
After not being able to reach a goal, one may see oneself completely differently. The blame of not reaching their goals becomes part of their self-view. It is painful to think about, and remembered for a long time.
Some moments of failure can involve the judgments or actions of others, which are out of your control. It is important to consider this when labelling a situation as a “failure.”
The world is a complicated place, with many external factors potentially being at play. Sometimes your action has a minimal role in a “failure.” Sometimes it is not your fault.
On the other hand, the more painful moments of failure occur as a direct result of your own actions.
Even though it can be difficult to think about at the moment, failures provide good insight into your own strengths and areas of improvement.
Although, fixating too much on this can harm one’s self view. The key comes in separating a failure from your identity.
If you procrastinated a long time before doing a project, instead of thinking “I am lazy” think, “next time I will schedule my time more efficiently.”
Everyone falls short of their own expectations at some point in their life. That is just part of being a human.
Having ambitions means that everyone falls short of them sometimes. When you find yourself thinking too much about certain moments you wish had gone differently, remind yourself of negativity bias.
Even when positive experiences are abundant, humans are hardwired to focus on the negative in situations. For a thousand good, proud moments, people often remember the worst.
Since failure triggers such strong emotions, it is easy to be blinded to positives around you. Failure robs us of perspective, which makes it more difficult to escape this feeling.
Failure is a point of view, so it is up to you to decide when it does not serve you.
Even if the failure feels debilitating in the moment, remember, there are many more opportunities to prove yourself and grow.
The road ahead is long, and there will be experiences in your life where things exceed your expectations, and you flourish.
It might just surprise you.
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Alba Zalli is a local high school student and writer. The “Open Mind” column is sponsored by community partners who are committed to raising awareness about mental health, reducing stigma and providing information about resources that can help. For local mental health resources/information, visit mdsgg.ca or call 1-844-HERE247.