I have been a client in the mental health system for 40 years.
This is my story.
My life as a psychiatric patient has been cursed by misunderstandings. I have trouble figuring out parts of it too, so no wonder my family has trouble validating how I feel, let alone understanding it!
Even many mental health professionals are puzzled by how I am so depressed and how to help me. The fact I am so aware of what reality is at times, is almost part of the problem as I see it. I have been very difficult to treat because of misunderstandings in the way I present myself.
There was one psychiatrist who didn’t believe I was ill and who took me off all my meds while I begged him not to. I appeared to be fine because I was on so much medication. I was totally misunderstood despite frantic pleas to be understood! I suffered consequences from those uncontrolled times. I spent thousands of dollars and in despair had a subsequent suicide attempt. I lost my part time job. I had to move into my parents’ home to recover financially. They were the ones who thankfully got me help when I was so ill.
Families easily misunderstand. They see their loved ones … better enough to cope on medication … and want so hard for them to be well. They treat them as if they should be in the mainstream of society again!
We are told that being depressed and suicide attempts are selfish and hurt others, which was never part of the equation. In an attempt to make them not be hurt by us, we act the way that makes them happy, doing what we are being told. Smile. Fake it until you make it! They like it so well they think we are better.
Then the tirade begins of being misunderstood. Families and friends think that we should be working, taking fewer pills and seeing people who help us less often. The pressure can be so great that any real progress you have made could be lost. The whole cycle can repeat itself.
Some of the families give up and once the person is alone they could end up on the street being more misunderstood and very vulnerable without any family support.
Grief about the life you planned. Life is not good with little money. Living with substandard or no apartment; subsidized apartments are few and far between. Few people ever have cars and computers. It is a substandard world. All because you are ill. Some can return to the workforce but many cannot. They are not lazy, as society judges. People judge before they live in our badly misunderstood world.
At age 21, I was the top student in my class in co-op economics and management accounting. It took me a further 18 years to complete my BA. I currently help my friends and volunteer at the local performing arts centre.
The “Open Mind” column is sponsored by community partners who are committed to raising awareness about mental health, reducing stigma and providing information about resources that can help. Contact aheeley@cmhaww.ca. For local mental health resources/information, visit www.mdsgg.ca or call 1-844-HERE247.
