I meant to pack the anti-nausea medicine. Motion sickness and vertigo are inherited traits. I cannot read in a moving car or sit backwards on a train. Roller coasters? Forget about it. Those glory days are behind me.
But in all fairness, who knew I’d need medication to sit through a Marvel movie? Apparently everyone in the D-Box seats but me. Yet again, in all fairness, I had no idea what a D-Box seat was, so technically, I was ill-prepared and about to be ill.
All I knew was I wanted to go to the movies and hang out with the cool kids who insisted on the seat upgrade to D-Box, which have motion seats that move to the film’s action.
My daughter and the Carpenter are fearless when it comes to big-screen films. The louder, the more action, the bigger the thrill and the more likely a jump-scare, the better. Yet I’m more of a cinematography, soundtrack-laden, slow-build-script type. Give me art. Give me a slow, unravelling storyline that weaves me through a journey that inspires. Move me. But for the love of all that’s good in this world, do not move my cinema chair.
There was no way I’d wimp out, even though my internal dialogue was my own mom-voice scolding me for making poor decisions, given the whole motion sickness thing. If everyone jumps off the bridge into the river even though it’s illegal to do so, does that mean you have to do it, Kelly? Kind of?
No, Kelly. The correct answer is no.
Look, it’s not every day we have a family outing. It happens maybe twice a year. Truth. And it’s not every day our daughter treats us to a movie. This was her gift for the Carpenter’s birthday. Better still, the Carpenter agreed to leave the farm. He never leaves home.
Also, it’s not every day the actors Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman join forces for a film aptly named Deadpool and Wolverine. Forgive me, but those two fellas in lycra superhero costumes? With a mega bag of buttered popcorn in my lap? Yes, please.
This is what I get for taking one for the team: motion sickness. Even typing this now, my gag reflex is on high alert. You don’t even want to know what happened to the popcorn I devoured thinking the salt might help calm my tummy. Here’s the Coles Notes version: the salt did not calm my tummy. It did bloat my face for two days though, so guess who saved on Botox? Me.
I’m no quitter, so I sat through that film getting bounced around, lifted off the ground, dropped back to the ground, jilted side to side, and shaken just enough to know that I am not the consumer profile for this cinematic experience.
The cool kids loved it. It was the right film to lure the Carpenter out of his comfort zone and into a D-Box seat. Lots of cursing, senseless violence, things blowing up and some of the best politically incorrect one-liners to ever roll out of a movie script.
I loved this film too.
The special effects were amazing. The quick wit and banter was funny. And it offended absolutely everyone and I think the world deserves that.
But next time, Gravol and the cheap seats.
