Michael J. McManus, newspaper columnist and radio commentator, claims that adventure is a key factor in rekindling love in your marriage.
I heard that about 10 years ago and have often thought about it. For Anna and me, that element of adventure has contributed much to keeping our marriage together over the years. Even now I can close my eyes and let my mind race back over the decades ricocheting from one great moment to the next.
I could never forget the first great adventure of our married life: establishing a small business with $35 cash, a large amount of audacity, and a ton of risk. Surprisingly, it went well. Next, with a great flourish of bad planning, we embarked on our second major adventure by attempting a career change between the births of our second and third sons. That escapade took this high school dropout to college for three years.
After a couple of lesser adventures, we launched the really big one. In 1971, with four school-age boys in tow, we flew to South Africa. My assignment: to work in the radio studio of a mission organization. For the first few months we faced at least one big challenge every week: driving on the left; helping the boys adjust to a different educational system; beginning language study; celebrating Christmas in midsummer; making new friends; and accommodating new laws, customs, and rules.
I now see all those things as simply fringe benefits, bit players on the wings of the real adventure. We had arrived at the peak of apartheid. We found ourselves in an intellectual, emotional, and racial battlefield. We teetered between accepting the philosophy of accommodating apartheid espoused by most of our fellow missionaries and mission leaders, or embracing the viewpoint of the African people we had come to serve. We soon learned we had white skin but black attitudes. Many of our fellow workers from Canada, Great Britain, and the United States tried to convince us of the correctness of their approach. Too many had let personal advantage and comfort crowd out a sense of mission – they added their own bricks to the wall between themselves and those they had come to help.
But amid all the tension, we saw and did things most people never dream about. We also made the best and closest friends of our lives. However, because we could neither support the status quo nor sit on the fence, we launched ourselves into another big adventure: the return to Canada and employment with an international corporation.
However, all those exploits appear as nothing when compared to the one we find ourselves in now. Over a year ago Anna began to experience loss of short-term memory. Eventually, a doctor diagnosed her as having probable Alzheimer’s. The North American medical community says “probable” because it knows of no diagnostic test for the illness. The health system can diagnose it only with an autopsy, not a helpful or convenient method. When we heard of a European diagnostic test, we made arrangements to get it done. But before that happened, another ailment that required a certain medication made the test impossible. With the help of a doctor friend and an open-minded family physician, we arranged for multiple tests to determine if some other medical condition had caused loss of memory.
Although the tests identified brain damage from minor strokes, they confirmed something I already knew: Anna performs above average in everything but short-term memory. What do we do now? We just accept this adventure God has sent our way – and hang on for the ride.
