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Be it resolved

by Patrick Raftis

Perhaps the only thing broken more quickly than a politician’s promise is a new year’s resolution.

Easy to make, easy to break, tough to keep – all characteristics that campaign pledges have in common with ritualistic year-end self improvement covenants.

If we could shed a single pound for every vow to swear off snacking made over the years, many of us would have a better chance of literally getting our belts tightened than the hordes of politicos who have promised to do so in figurative financial fashion over decades of election cycles.

I for one have pretty much given up making resolutions to ring in the annum. Why set yourself up for disappointment?

However, if I can be forgiven a fowl bromide in these turkey-laden times, what’s good for the goose isn’t always what’s good for the gander. And so, in the spirit of the season I offer the following list of resolutions I would like to see others keep in 2019.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau – Our sunny-side up  prime minister should resolve to  refrain from listening to whoever planned his ill-fated voyage to India last year and going forward avoid any country which might incite temptation to try on traditional garb for the cameras. Does this man not realize that if he loses the upcoming election over another fashion faux pas, Andrew Scheer gets to be PM? Okay, maybe we could use a bit more boredom in our political leaders after a year-full of Trudeau, Donald Trump and Doug Ford, but we don’t want people to sleep through the next four years either.

Premier Doug Ford – Ford should resolve to remember that Ontario is a province, not a hashtag, and he represents everyone here, not just #fordnation. He should probably also: focus on governing not score settling, spend less time hiding from the media, keep any future vehicle purchases on the books, rethink his choice of OPP commissioner and just say no when his brother Randy or some other pal from the ‘hood inevitably asks if he can be treasurer.

Every Conservative MPP – Should resolve to stop falling in line like sheep when Ford goes off the rails on one of his vendettas, or at the very least drop the trained seal act and show some respect for the speaker’s chair by putting an end to the standing ovation charade during question period.

U.S. President Donald Trump – Shut off the cellphone. Also read a book. Those two moves alone might keep Trump out of trouble for the rest of his term in office and he can donate the book to the prison library when he’s done with it.

As for everyone else, have a happy and prosperous new year in 2019 and if you can’t avoid making resolutions, at least try and avoid telling anyone.

January 4, 2019


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