When I was a child, if I was naughty (which only happened twice, I swear), my parents would send me to my room until they deemed my punishment sufficient and granted me permission to rejoin the rest of the family.
WriteOut of Her Mind
The bunny
The Easter Bunny lives with us. It turns out he lives in a den beneath the deck that was the former residence of the groundhog, also known as Winston the Whistle Pig, who had zero consideration for my morning meditations on the patio last summer. What a racket.
Seasonal
Thank you, Spring, for taking this meeting with me. Please be seated. I feel like it’s best to start the season off on equal footing. I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss our expectations and target outcomes for the next quarter.
Hypnosis
Insomnia is something I struggle with sporadically. Busy brain syndrome. The gift of those who are over-achieving, hyper-sensitive, over-thinkers. Me at 3am.
Break March
March has come into season like a lamb, nice and easy, which, for all of us afflicted with superstitious sentiments, means it will surely go out like a lion (kind of like the drunk uncle forcibly removed from a family reunion).
Full moon
I have a few tell-tale signs of a full moon rising that are based solely on my behaviour, thus, I’d like to apologize to my beloved Carpenter for the volatile week.
Spectacle
Four-eyes. Remember when that was the kind of insult that burned?
Thirty-two
With Valentine’s Day upon us, I am reminded that I really don’t enjoy this romantic pseudo-holiday tradition, despite being very much in love with my spouse, the Carpenter.
Spectator Sport
I am so excited for this weekend I’m not sure how I’ll get through the next few days with any focus, except that of wishing time would fly faster, because this coming weekend promises several rough spectator sports, like watching the Carpenter sit through the Super Bowl.
Essence
Rejection is a part of life that, in my experience, can make you or break you. It’s your choice.
Victory
The best defence is a good offence, they say, so this is my defence for why I placed third-last in my inaugural NFL Pool contest: I had no idea what I was doing.
Rush
Don’t rush to judgement on this, but every night since Christmas I’ve gone to bed with Geddy Lee, the lead singer of Canadian rock band Rush.
Cold
I began writing this column from my bed a week ago, propped up with pillows, tucked between my flannel polar bear sheets and my duvet.
Monday
Monday mornings are sacred to me, much like Sundays are for most.
2024
No, I didn’t get a Toyota 4Runner. Yes, I’m angry about it. Sure, I’ll get over it, eventually.