50 ways

Remember when Paul Simon sang about “50 ways to leave your lover,” but only named five and none of them were actually solid ways to leave your lover? Slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. (If you don’t know this song, your parents have failed you). You’re singing it right now, aren’t you?

Olympics

I’m not an athlete and I have never been an athlete – and newsflash: I am never going to be an athlete. Shocking, I know, but best I be honest about my non-athletic aspirations as I congratulate our Olympic and Paralympic athletes for what I consider to be super-human feats.