It seems the thing that I resist most in my life is the thing I need most: change.
No other month brings that truth home like September, ushering in new beginnings, bringing about tender conclusions, and offering immense possibilities for those who embrace change, rather than fight it.
This is why I end my summer annually in the Kawarthas, where I can mellow out and reflect on what’s working in my life, what’s not, and exactly how I’m going to change what needs changing.
I map my experiences out on paper, with diagrams of circles, boxes, arrows attaching groups of words to spell out what I need, want and envision. It’s a mental regroup of the Kelly that is me (beyond the needs of my family) who needs to find a way to be the best me I can be, for the sake of my family.
I used to think this tradition was selfish. Parenthood wasn’t supposed to be about your needs. It was about giving your family the best of everything you had to offer.
I tend to forget that all I have to offer is the best of me, which stresses me out until what I offer is actually the worst of me.
So every September, I spend a few hours on the deck of a cottage the Carpenter and I rent, and I do this work. It takes hours of self-reflection and a good dose of reality. Fear can’t limit you when you realize it’s just fear. Goals can fuel your fire.
When I’m done, I reward myself with a vat of chip dip, the family-sized bag of rippled potato chips and a glass of red wine. I don’t share. Somehow, when it comes to chip dip, selfishness is, in fact, a virtue.
The Carpenter is quite happy my mental health is drawn out on paper and not expressed in a long-winded marital psychology session during which he has to listen to me weigh the pros and cons of my career, life, income, social status, future ambitions and epic along-the-way failures. Instead, he heads to the store to get the chip dip. He’s a good man. I’d marry him again.
I’m telling you this because it’s September and changes are huge at this time of year for almost all of us.
For many students (and the parents who love them), this is their first experience moving away from home. Others are taking the leap from elementary to high school, and the little ones are taking their first school bus ride, not to mention every new experience for all the kids in the grades in between. Making new friends, saying goodbye to old ones, figuring out who we are, letting go, growing up; it’s not easy.
There is no shame in needing to draw it out, talk to someone, seek counselling, or ask for help. Don’t be fooled. Everyone else is feeling some kind of anxiety too.
September is the month where we should teach compassion, because we’re all making big changes to accommodate the people we love, and to grow ourselves. So I sincerely hope all parents, caregivers, students and teachers will give themselves a pat on the back after this first week of school.
I’ll be stocking up on another bag of ripple chips and dip. Big changes require big calories.
Don’t judge.