It’s a new year and a there is a not-so-new voice in my head saying, “Put the chip dip down.” I loathe that voice. It’s so critical. But as I tried to squeeze into the skinny-jean fashion that refuses to go away, I realized the voice might have some common sense. Looking back to the two weeks of Christmas vacation and the holiday buffets scattered throughout, it is not hard to believe my stretch-jeans are at capacity. Negative voice is now repeating, “exercise, exercise, exercise.” Such a nag.
Perhaps there is merit to this exercising concept. I recognize holidays are stressful for many. It’s not all merriment and Toblerone bars. Whacking a Terry’s Chocolate Orange ball might be gratifying, but it just doesn’t cut it when you devour half of it just to get yourself through another round of family gatherings. Whatever your cultural traditions, you no doubt celebrated around a buffet of cholesterol-induced foods, slathered in dark gravy lumped with cranberries (to constitute a fruit portion). You were gathered in close quarters with relatives, some of whom you had to play nice with despite ignoring their “friend” requests on your Face Book page. You were most likely tempted by beverages that would help you forget your confinement and probably eased the criticism you received regarding personal failures, the behaviour of a spouse, children, house-cleaning, cooking, inability to pick up the telephone from January until December or a career choice that in no way reflects the educational path. Joy to the world: joy to chip dip.
I would never have believed the solution to my problems would be found in a video game. I don’t like them. They make people lazy. But there it was, my all-in-one dream machine: exercise and post-traumatic holiday stress therapy in one neat little box, connected to my television and me via a wireless remote. The video game: Wii Resorts. My game of choice: Sword Play. I felt ridiculous.
Then, I went from an awkward, hand-flailing video game newbee to a swashbuckling dynamo, hurling about my living room while my terrified family ducked under pillows or hid behind couches. I was an adrenaline junkie, hurling insults and jeering at imaginary opponents as I knocked them about, laying waste to everyone in my path and racking up points of glory. “Take that,” I screamed. “Pow. You like that fella? Well here’s another. Wham. That’s for the Visa bill coming in January.”
Luckily, there were no images of blood or discombobulated figures. It was a harmless battle fought with virtual foam swords.
It was exhilarating.
Suddenly, I was sweating, breathing hard and leaping about, swinging my arms, with my heart pounding faster. It was the perfect antidote for mommy anger-management. The Carpenter and our two children looked afraid – very afraid. Who knew mommy could be aggressive? Let’s just say it made bedtime much easier that night.
Perhaps a Wii bit of fun could be a wee bit good for me. I hear they have a game to get you fit too. Yawn. Something tells me I’ll need to smack a few more foam swords first. Mental heath mixed with the physical. Everybody duck. Mommy is on a rampage.