Grief is a normal and natural reaction to a change of any kind.
Drayton resident Glynis Belec and five Canadian authors have compiled an anthology on the grieving process.
Authors Alan Anderson, Barbara Heagy, Donna Mann, Ruth Smith Meyer, Carolyn Wilker and Belec contributed stories, poems and songs from their personal journey through grief.
Belec was guest speaker at the June congregate dining program hosted by the Seniors’ Centre for Excellence. The book, Good Grief People, does not offer a specific formula for grieving, but an opportunity for readers to know that they are not alone in the grieving process.
“Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to death or change of any kind. Not a bad thing nor a sign of a personality disorder. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior,” Belec said.
The grieving process can also occur during a financial loss, a relationship loss, loss of a limb or when a pet dies, Belec explained. After a loss, a person learns to do without and they cope, but things are never the same again. Tremendous sadness can envelope those grieving.
When a person passes away after a lengthy illness, the author said those left grieving may feel guilty for their feelings of relief as their loved one is not suffering anymore. In those situations, the grieving process usually begins before the patient passes on.
“The idea for a book on grieving evolved out of a telephone conversation I had with co-writer Ruth Smith Meyer,” Belec said.
“During our chat, Ruth said that instead of thinking about all the things I’ve lost and spiraling out of control, I am going to focus on the 10 years that I had with my husband. My response to Ruth was, that’s good grief and you should write a book on the topic and call it Good Grief People.”
The writing process began with five of the authors meeting on a monthly basis with Anderson connecting on line from British Columbia.
The book is divided into five parts: Facing the Fact, Anticipatory Grief, Unexpected Grief, Good Grief and Learning Through Loss. Belec contributed nine stories to the anthology.
Facing the Fact is a reminder that we all die. Society is not good about talking about death but death is a part of life.
Anticipatory Grief can occur before or after death and can also be experienced by the person dying. It is a time period to tend to unfinished business, chose to forgive and say goodbye.
Unexpected Grief takes place after a suicide, homicide or accident. It is a place of confusion as death was sudden and there was no chance to say goodbye. Survivors of the deceased sometimes have feelings of guilt about things left unsaid. Others feel guilt about the fact that they survived and another person did not.
Feelings of death being not fair when a child or youth dies are common. Things seem to spiral out of control and one feels vulnerable, jumpy and nervous. Some people require more information surrounding the death in order to begin the grieving process.
“Grief is considered good grief when something good comes from a loss. My brother-in-law’s suicide was the beginning of my husband’s and my walk of faith,” Belec said.
“My mother, the matriarch of the family, was ready to die and she said, “I jolly well will die, when I want to die.
“Her sense of humour and practical jokes made my family laugh even though we were sad.”
Learning through loss can help ease the grieving process. Emergency service personnel who deal with life and death situations on a daily basis sometimes find it easier to cope with the passing of a loved one.
“We are not alone in our grief and have the ability to discover ways of coping. During the writing of stories for Good Grief People, I found the process to be therapeutic and healing,” Belec said.
The book also contains sections on “Good Things To Say and Do For Those Who Grieve” and “What Not To Say To Those Who Grieve,” along with a resource and reference section.
“You cannot map out your grief. Deep grief is a sign of deep love. Loss changes the course of one’s life. Heal the hurt and find a new normal, a new reality,” Belec said.
Good Grief People is published by Angel Hope Publishing, Drayton. Copies are available by contacting Belec at 519-638-3215 or online at www.glynisbelec.com.
In Drayton, copies can be purchased at Blooming Dales, Studio Factor and Drayton Freshmart.
