It took 0.17 seconds for a recent google search on the subject of “getting along” to come up with over 63 million ways to improve relations and make the best of challenges facing people of all shapes, ages and sizes.
Typically there are three ways people deal with problems. Some will yell and shout, whether that is verbally or via text, to bully their way through a situation. Others find it easier to cope by simply ignoring the problem hoping it goes away. The final option is to go through a form of mediation as individuals, if the relationship isn’t too far gone, or by using a third party so both sides can be heard and understood, and then a joint solution can be found. There are variations on these themes, but generally, true, long-term, lasting success is a result of conflicted parties developing a solution together.
The withering economy we all face has a way of exacerbating those problems at home, schools, in the workplace and in our individual communities.
For families, poor money choices in the past combined with job loss or marital discord has a way of turning even the smallest of disagreements into full blown incidents on the home front. The usual team work required to make a household work might lose ground to individual efforts for survival and personal satisfaction. Ignored problems tend to manifest themselves, leading to poor communication and in the worst case, a break-up.
Similarly, young people continue to struggle in classrooms and schoolyards to figure out what works and how to get along. As is the case for pretty much every forming part of a child’s personality, parents and guardians are held up as examples of how to deal with problems. It is something to think about the next time parents exhibit any game plan other than talking it out.
Ordinarily, great managers might become strict with subordinates and co-workers in attempts to keep a plant open or shifts running. Fellow workers might feel the need to compete and snitch on underperformers, or challenge others they would ordinarily ignore. The idea of letting it go or sucking it up one more time to avoid confrontation might give way to a screaming match, leaving co-workers scratching their head about why “easy-going Joe” just blew up one day.
It seems to us that the pressures of today have made it even more difficult to know people. For all we know, Joe’s son might have got in trouble, or Joe is one missed car payment away from losing his vehicle. The simple fact is we don’t know other people’s troubles.
We aren’t advocating an open book either, where all troubles are on the table, since there has to be a measure of personal accountability. There is also the very real dimension of dignity – everyone has a measure of it, however slight or large. If that dignity is threatened, look out.
It is our hope that people learn to recognize the signs of trouble brewing and the responsibility we have as individuals to our fellow man to say something kind or encouraging to afflicted parties. The same goes for dealing with bullies, with good people having to step up and insist upon a measure of decency and decorum.
Over the years we have been witness to varying degrees of calumny.
People we know to be good yet imperfect, as we all are, have been maligned in the cruelest of ways. That season will end as other such sessions have – and a cycle of civility will ensue, but just as weeds gain hold in untended ground, we all have the obligation to keep working at and insisting on decency over heartache – whether that is in our homes, workplaces or community.
There are millions of ways in which to get along – the most important of which is wanting to.
