When I won an award for programming, somehow I felt more disappointed than proud. I felt as though I didn’t deserve it.
I had barely two years of experience with the subject, so was surprised that I won the award. At the reception, there was a panel of accomplished people in the field, who spoke about their experiences. A woman who had worked for Google spoke about her recurring “imposter syndrome”, and that is when I realized, I felt the same way.
Impostor syndrome is a repeated feeling that one is not achieving nor capable, even when external evidence proves otherwise. This is more prevalent in competitive fields such as computer science but can affect anybody.
Imposter syndrome was first researched by Clance and Imes in 1978. They identified and interviewed 150 women with PhDs, and other high academic achievements. Among these women, many believed that they were not intelligent, and only came as far as they did as a result of luck. Although humbleness is a positive trait, impostor syndrome leads to self-doubt.
Personally, this is a familiar feeling for me. Driving to the awards ceremony, I felt embarrassed, and that I had mislead the organization honouring me with the award. I overlooked the fact I had taken two computer science courses, coded in my free time, and was part of a cybersecurity team at school. Somehow, my own feelings overpowered these facts.
With me and many others, these feelings lead to a strengthened work ethic in order to overcome these insecurities. Although this can be great for achieving, it can be difficult to have self-perception and reality be so different. This can lead to lower self-esteem, less risk taking, and disengagement. Imposter syndrome can cause someone to disregard positive feedback, while focusing on the mistakes they make.
Even though I have understanding of this concept, I still struggle with it, as many people do. An article by HRD (Human Resources Directors Canada, 2024) states more and more people are looking for information on this phenomenon. There has been a 75% increase in searches on imposter syndrome over the past year.
Sometimes, when I feel as though I do not deserve an achievement, I remind myself that achievements are not given randomly. If I received an award or a good grade, that is because I put the work in to do so. Whenever I notice I feel alienated from others and feel unworthy, it helps me to remember that there is room for all different types of capacities and achievers.
Everyone contributes a unique and insightful perspective.
Another helpful tool is reality checking myself when I notice unrealistic self-doubt. This is a tool I use a lot when applying to university. I always find myself getting nervous whenever I see admittance averages, and feel like I might not belong in a program. Often, when I feel this way, I talk to my parents or friends, who remind me that my marks do fall into this range. I do belong!
Imposter syndrome seems to be a common experience and most people I have talked to have felt self-doubt at some point. All of the panelists at the awards ceremony provided advice they found supportive; things like focusing on your concrete skills and self-improvement strategies that can help you get to where you want to be.
They encouraged us to identify accomplishments where we have been successful. The most important thing is to bring awareness to this topic and how it effects your life.
Even if you doubt it, you are capable, skilled, and worthy of achievement.
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Alba Zalli is a local high school student. The “Open Mind” column is sponsored by community partners who are committed to raising awareness about mental health, reducing stigma and providing information about resources that can help. For local mental health resources/information, visit mdsgg.ca or call 1-844-HERE247.