’What You Got’
Does the phrase “you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone” ring a bell with you?
Yes I know that for some of you the bad-grammar alarm bell is donging deafeningly, but sometimes art is more important than grammar so chill your jets please.
Of course the line, not necessarily in this exact wording, is part of how many lover’s lament songs especially in traditional country music. But for aging boomers like me the line instantly takes us back to Big Yellow Taxi, a 1970 anthem of our generation by Joni Mitchell:
“Don’t it always seem to go,
That you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone?
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.”
I bet there are more than a few of us who not only remember that catchy line – “you don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone” – but are right now humming the tune or even belting out the whole chorus like we’re in the shower.
The truth this line reminds us of is our human propensity and inclination to take for granted “what we got,” even to lack awareness of “what we got.” By now you know where I’m going with this, especially since you are probably still eating Thanksgiving leftovers.
We’ve all had the experience of falling ill or suffering an injury that makes it difficult to do the things we want. Suddenly we recognize how blessed we previously were to be able to not spend all day in bed or not to have constant back-pain that makes it hard to even walk. The realization of “what you no longer got” often turns our thoughts and hearts to be consciously grateful for the blessings now lacking.
I think this dynamic is behind what so many people experience after a life-threatening illness or accident, especially if they did indeed almost die. Such folks often express profound gratitude for still being on this side of the grass and the determination to never again take life and health and wellbeing for granted. They declare their intention to recognize the blessings in their lives, and to live each day with gratitude.
Unfortunately the truth of the old saying “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” is most difficult to overcome. We know gratitude and not taking things for granted is key to our wellbeing – just like we know that eating healthy and exercising regularly are also good for us – and yet it isn’t easy to do consistently. And when we catch ourselves lapsing in living out our good intentions we tend to beat ourselves up with “shoulds” – “I should be more grateful,” “I shouldn’t take people and things for granted,” “I should be more satisfied with the blessings I have than yearning for what I don’t have.”
Unfortunately – actually fortunately – gratitude and a spirit of living gratefully cannot be “shoulded” into being. Parents and grownups in general “should” little kids all the time into saying “thank you,” but always with the hope and expectation that at some point the “shoulding” will no longer be necessary, that the child will have learned not just the joy of eating their vegetables but more importantly the joy of sincere gratitude.
Blessedly most of us do learn this to some degree or another. Unblessedly all of us to some degree or another do not internalize a spirit of constant gratitude enough to seriously disempower the counter-messages – coming from you know where – that keep telling us we don’t have enough; we can’t be happy until we …; see how happy those rich people are; sure would be better being married to that gorgeous gal/guy; if only I could win the lottery; etc.
At its best our annual October celebration of Thanksgiving is an invitation to recommit again to nurture and express a spirit of gratitude: to recognize all “what we got,” to not take these blessings for granted, to recognize that if we’re not content and happy with “what we got” we wouldn’t be even if we got what we wish we had or think we need.
The danger of having a Thanksgiving holiday is that people feel “shoulded” into being grateful and become less inclined to nurture a voluntary day-in and day-out spirit of gratitude that becomes as involuntary as breathing air. Or that we ‘do gratitude’ every October and then forget about it for the rest of the year.
The enticing bank ad says “You’re richer than you think” – and you are, but not because of your money in the bank. Instead you are rich in the immense abundance of blessings “you got:” you are a beloved child of a loving Father God, your lungs are still breathing and your heart is still beating, you have people who you love and who love you, there are still trees and grass and puppies, so far you have had enough food and water to sustain your body alive, etc. etc.
Perhaps most of all you have been given the gift and opportunity to overcome any hardships by choosing the joy of being always saturated with deep appreciation and gratitude for the unmeasurable bounty of your life.