This week my parents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. Sixty years. Together. Through everything. For that, I’m grateful.
It would be a tough act to follow if they hadn’t been amazing examples of what it takes to make a marriage work. I was fortunate to be raised in a household that was built on the foundation of their love, which was as much about friendship as it was romance (you can imagine, with me as the youngest child, romance wasn’t exactly easy to accomplish).
I thought I’d impart some of the wisdom I’ve gleaned from my parents over my lifetime, which, for those of you doing the math, is less than 60 years but more than 25 years (be careful with your guess).
My parents met as teenagers. They seemed to know from the get-go that they’d found their soulmate. In fact, my mom waited three years for her boyfriend to return from the Canadian Navy, in hopes he’d bring home a nice ring from Birks. He did. Smart man. The rest is history.
From this I learned patience in love. The Carpenter and I had a long-distance relationship for five years. Trust was essential. Communication was key. Also, I learned it was best to make him fear the repercussions if he didn’t come home just enough to keep him coming back (kidding, Mom, but I bet Dad laughed).
A relationship should start in friendship and grow in that. My parents basically grew up together. Adulthood by trial and error. Nobody set them up for success and nobody was holding the ladder they’d have to climb. They earned it one career move, one step at a time.
Not everyone in their circles wished them success. When you’re committed to building a good life, making sacrifices to make ends meet, and actually love each other, it can create jealousy in others. That’s where you learn loyalty. When your partner has your back no matter what the situation, no matter who’s in the room, you create a clear path forward for the family you’re creating together. It’s not about where you’re from; it’s where you’re going. Choose that, first, always. The Carpenter and I are grateful for that example, and for my parents’ love for our family.
Another pearl of wisdom is to stay playful. Have adventures. Travel. Stay active. Participate. Volunteer. And dance together. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, dance. It’s a beautiful metaphor for love done right.
I’m grateful I grew up in the shadow of a relationship secure in mutual respect. I had a father who respected my mother as an independent person with intelligence, career aspirations, and undeniable maternal instincts. He encouraged her, always. He was also aware that his own career trajectory was dependent on her ability to manage more than he could (Bam. Now Mom is smiling). It’s true. She created a home and kept the tempo of it, and never missed a beat. They saw each other’s value and respected it. It wasn’t easy. I know that. Yet, my parents shared a work ethic that was very much about the future they wanted to build, together.
Now that they are living it, 60 years in, still best friends, they have set the bar incredibly high. I’ve never wanted to achieve anything more in my life than to meet their example. Happy anniversary, you crazy kids.
