In society, as individuals what frightens you? I don’t mean things like the ghouls and goblins of a couple weeks ago. I mean is there a fear that you have that keeps you from doing something? Perhaps it is fear of failure, perhaps it is a fear of judgment, a fear of loss, a fear of abandonment. There are many legitimate reasons to have fear. Fear is not a weakness.
Fear does become a problem when we don’t acknowledge it.
In Desmond Tutu’s book Made for Goodness: And Why That Makes all the Difference he comments that anger is based in fear. We get mad and shout at our young child who didn’t look before crossing the road … that anger is based in fear. I give some choice words or hand gestures to a motorist who cuts me off in traffic … that anger is based in a fear that I was almost in an accident.
Fear can turn into many things, it can be debilitating, it can lead to anger, it can lead to pain, it can stop us from moving forward, it can stop us experiencing new things … but only if we don’t acknowledge it. Fear can create a great hold on our lives without us even knowing it. A person can have a fear of judgement and so they never speak out in group settings, but then doesn’t understand why their voice isn’t heard. A person can have a fear of failure, so doesn’t try new things, but then doesn’t understand why they keep getting passed up for a promotion at work because they “lack initiative”.
If we can understand what our fears are, it doesn’t mean that they will immediately go away, but it does mean that we are now aware of them so our decisions and our actions can be made intentionally. A person still might not try something new, but they can be aware that they are sometimes afraid of new things, so are they making the decision not to try this because it is new, or because it really isn’t for them.
When we don’t acknowledge our fear it controls our lives without us even knowing it. It stops us from experiencing all that there is to experience in life, it can stop us from engaging in important conversations or transformative processes without us even knowing it. The first step to overcoming any fear is to acknowledge that it is there.
I know that for myself I have found that I am able to calm any anger that I have much more quickly by trying to understand what is it that I’m afraid of in this moment that is triggering this anger response. By asking that little question I can understand what the anger is based in and that then gives me a better chance of being able to move out of that state of being faster.
So what are you afraid of, and how can you start the work to not let that fear subconsciously control your life?
Submitted by Mark Laird,
DM Drayton United Church